i don't know why i changed blogs, but i did.  sorry.  it's at http://chicklitgurrl.blogspot.com.  It deals more with my rants and issues with trying to get published as a solo author while trying to have a life...it's interesting at times.

Those of you who came here from reading bits of Running from Miss Right or Femme 2 Femme, come on over and check out the blog, too.  From time to time, I hope to put up little excerpts from both books and some of my other works until someone decides I'm good enough to be published.

Love y'all!

Hi All,

I know, I know.  It's been a while.  I've been SWAMPED with classes.  I'm teaching six freshman comp course and two weeks ago, I began teaching a fiction workshop class.  Needless to say, I will be gray-haired in NO time.

I've managed to get today's stuff done, and it's 10:16 p.m., so that's GREAT for me.  Been playing on the computer, checking e-mails and all that jazz.

I haven't written much.  Actually, I have hardly written anything since mid-August.  Time just won't allow.  My brain is burning with story ideas, but I'm usually too tired to write.

I do have two "burning" goals that I want to accomplish now: one, I want to finish a script for a tv pilot that I plan to submit to a competition; and two, a friend of mine from school (Bill) and I are in "thought" mode over a movie idea we want to do together.  The idea behind it is HILARIOUS, and the more we talk about it, the more excited I'm becoming over writing something.  We're hoping to get a plot for the idea down by the end of the semester, and then we can begin working on something during Xmas break when it's a bit more quiet for the both of us.

If trying to find time to write AND teaching is not enough, I'm also applying to schools for my Ph.D.  I know...after ALLLLLLL OFFFFF THESEEEEE YEARSSSSS, I have not gotten enough of the school thang.  So, now I need to fill out applications, get sample papers together, write my intent for what I plan to study, get my recommendations from professors, get the money for transcripts and applications and have all that ready and sent out by the beginning of December.  I have to take the G R Es again next month.  NOT looking forward to that.  Haven't had a chance to take practice tests.  I am also taking the subject test in English, and that's something that is just going to drive me crazy.  Won't get into ANY schools with those scores! LOL

Anyway, I'm going to go for now.  I plan to look at my script and maybe give an hour to it before I go to bed.

I promise to come back more often!

It's 7:24pm, and I'm home, doing nothing on my birthday.  I'm 32.  I'm sad about that.  I'm pretty bummed about that.  I have a friend that I love dearly, and she's always telling me, "Shon, your 30s are a great time."  Constantly, she tells me this, and right now, I don't believe it.  I feel like I'm old.  I feel like I need to change some things about me.  The way I dress.  The way I wear my hair.  The way I interact with people.

I realized...well, I've realized for a while but today it really did hit me that because of my experiences (the bad ones), I've been living in this teen life, mindwise.  I'm 32, but I'm stuck in the mindset of a 16 year old girl who doesn't know how to interact with people, who is too shy, who wants but doesn't know how to express that want.

I need to find a way to double my mind age so I can start living as a grown a$$ woman.  I have a counselor, and she and I have been working for about two years on me...we've done good; I'm just realizing I have a lot more to do.

I'll get over being down today.  I have to.  I'll get over not having something beautiful and miraculous happen, just ONCE, on my birthday.  Maybe I need to make the miraculous happen myself and not wait for others to deem me worthy of something miraculous.

I'm sorry if it reads like I'm mumbling or not making sense--I do that from time to time.

Gone to TRY to write!

It's a little after midnight.  I'm back in Louisiana.  Been here since Thursday afternoon.  School, technically, starts tomorrow with two meetings and officially on Wednesday.  I'm nervous as hell, but I'm going to fake like I'm not.  I'm teaching SIX classes, and I need to make copies of my syllabi and my class schedules and figure out when I need to have stuff read by so I can be prepared.  I am hoping and praying that I can keep my brain together for it.

Let's see.  My younger sister starts school tomorrow as a college freshman.  She's nervous as hell, and I've been very supportive for her.  We live together, so this will be a VERY interesting semester with both of us going to school and pulling out our hair.

My mom has decided to move to LA.  There are a lot of reasons about WHY she's doing it, all I agree with; however, the next few months are going to be majorly hectic on my family as we deal with getting everything in order for Mom's move with my brother and making sure we all stay relatively sane. 

There will be times when I can't write in my blog, or times when I'm writing very erratically.  Just remember, I will be stressing and trying to help my family with this new transition.

Last bit of news...my sister and I have decided to do some healthy living.  I went grocery shopping and bought all healthy things, fruits, veggies, grains, low carb and fat, blah blah blah.  We are taking up walking three times a week, and I'm going to purchase a windbike for the apartment. We both do a lot of TV watching, especially the Cartoon Network.  We figure, if we think we deserve to watch TV, we have to do it while bicycling.  Hoping my body will someday look as young as my beautiful face, LOL@Self

Well, that's it for now.  I'm still writing, still waiting, still hoping...hope with me?

Laterz.

Yes, I know it's 3:35 in the morning.  You think I don't?  I also know it's been a LONG WHILE since I've written in my journal.  Can I use "I've been busy" as an excuse?  I thought not.

Not much has transpired since last I conversed with you all.  I've finished teaching my online English course (Yippee!).  I've read plenty of renaissance poetry, with all of Shakespeare's sonnets to get through next.

I'm currently trying to write.  I have BIG writing goals for 2004.  One of those goals was to finish up to episode 10 of Femme2Femme, which I accomplished last WEEK.  I'm still only doing an episode a month, so you guys will have to wait for the juicy plot twists, *smirk*

Another goal is to, yet again, revise my thesis (now called A NOVEL).  I've had some recent experiences that have triggered creative inspiration for the novel, so I hope to do another read-through of the 'script over the next couple of weeks to make some notes and do some revisions.  I feel like the book is ALMOST there, like 80% there.

I have three more weeks until I head back to Lake Charles to teach SIX COURSES, and I'm trying to catch up on sleep, writing and sanity -- not necessarily in that order.

OH...I have a new novel idea I'm playing around with.  I don't want to say much because it's still in the percolating stage.  I swear, with all the new ideas I get and begin working on, I'll never get to the at least 20 other concepts I have written and saved in folders, ready to be worked on, LOL

Maybe in my next entry, I'll give you guys a literary taste of some of my work,

Til then...

Yep, it's 3:23 in the A.M.  Wassup?

I've been busy today.  Cash running low, but my sis and I went and got groceries.  I'm anxiously awaiting getting paid at the end of the month.  After I went to the grocery store, I came home and did some work.  I updated the RUNNING FROM MISS RIGHT site and added a new chapter of the novel and a new episode of Femme2Femme.

I worked on my online 102 course I'm teaching in the fall and got that uploaded.  I added a few links to Sisterdivas.org.

I read some poetry of Petrarch.  It's LOVELY.  I read some Castiglione before that.  Boning up on the renaissance poetry and literature.  *thumbs up*  WONNNNNNNNNNNNderful.

My friend Dan came over and borrowed some of my poetry books and utilized my laptop.  Made plans to catch a flick on Friday.

My professor, the MENTOR SUPREME, and his lovely wife had their FIRST CHILD this evening.  An 8lb 13oz baby boy by the name of Owen.  Can't WAIT to see him!

I'm about to go to bed.  Have to get up tomorrow and head to school to take care of some things.  I also want to start working on my next piece, a chick lit novel.

Be good!

TTFN

...yet here I am, like it's not 5:32 in the morning and my behind should be IN BED.

But alas.  I just can't sleep.  Since graduation, I have been staying up 'til like 8 in the morning, and then I finally crash, only to sleep a few hours or the WHOLE DAY.  To say I'm getting nothing done would be the understatement of the year.

Okay...that's a smidgen of a lie.  I am getting SOME things done. 

My Girl Friday, LOL, aka publicist, aka good friend, Tonya Howard and I have been trying to throw my name and RUNNING FROM MISS RIGHT into any and everyone's face. LOL  I can almost TASTE a book deal.  *thinking*  And in the moment it took me to type THINKING, my excitement has waned.  The moment I start thinking positive, something bad happens!  Never fails.  Let's just say that when I hear something definitive, you guys will hear it, too.

Aside from Tonya and I trying to bug people into picking RFMR, which is--and no, I'm not biased--one of the BEST books I've ever read...

...I've been doing other things, too.  I've set a writing goal for the rest of 2004.  I want to start the RFMR script...well, I have started it a few days ago.  I want to outline a new chick lit novel.  I have the idea down, but I want to get the story into outline form.  I want to drag out my thesis and play with it again so my professor/mentor/friend can check it out and tell me what he thinks.  I want to write three more episodes of Femme2Femme.  If you don't know what FEMME2FEMME is, then I should disown you.  It's the HOT new series on the RFMR website.  I have seven episodes written so far, and I would like to get three more done because that would take me into the new year with episodes.

My other major goal is to get SOMEONE to pick up RFMR and my mystery series, DEATH @ THE DOUBLE INKWELL.  It's my SECOND fave book. *smirk*  And I don't say that JUST because I wrote it.

Well, anyway, I feel a lil better having written something here.  It sure beats SMOKING.  For the last two days, I've smoked about 11 cigarettes total.  This is coming from a chick who only smoked ONCE in her life, about three years ago, when things were SO tough, I had to buy a pack of cigs.  And then, I only smoked like three cigs...but I did get my drink on and got it on OFTEN.  Things are a bit hectic for me these days...the cigs give my HANDS something to do beside pull my hair out or strangle someone...

TMI, eh? LOL@Self">LOL@Self

Lemme go.  I plan to get up early so I can read some of Castiglione's "The Courtier," a book one of my professors told me to read.  He gave me the first of many renaissance reading lists, so I can become a great scholar and get into a Ph.D. program and teach RENAISSANCE LITERATURE feel haughty just writing RENAISSANCE LITERATURE), lol

I need to read that tomorrow, I need to have online office hours for my class, edit about 14 pages of a poetry book I'm editing for a client, continue outlining an English 102 course I'm teaching online in the fall, and work on a few more columns of the new issue of The Nubian Chronicles.

My job is NEVER....EVER....E.V.E.R. done.

I have no one to blame for my lack of sleep but myself! LOL

TTFN

From a very dismal post, to this dream post.  I need to start writing in here EXACTLY when something occurs. Since dinner last night, so many things have popped into my head, I feel like I could write 50 posts...but I'll just bore you with two!

Had a weird dream last night, and it'll read even weirder when I put it here.  Prepare to travel the labyrinth of my mind...dream mode, LOL (if under 18, might want to look away)

okay, first off, i'm at school, in my old office.  it's busy with students all over the place. some are asking me why i have loaded up all my stuff and appear to be leaving the office.  i tell them i am moving down the hall to my new office.  sounds normal, right?

then at my old office, i run in..hmm, let's call him SAM to protect the innocent.  this is a person i've thought was cute but never DID anything for me, per se.  he stops by.  we're talking.  about nothing.  can't even remember.  next thing i know, he pushes me onto my desk and starts kissing me.  it's not a BAD KISS, so i kiss him back.

okay, now this is where it gets weird.

as we kiss, the scene changes.  we're now in the dining room of my grandparents' home.  this is a place i haven't stepped into since 1998.  my grandparents (maternal) died in '98 (my grandmom in august, my granddad in december).  there are a lot of bitter memories between me and my relatives who lived with my grandparents.  until i die, i will always believe my grandparents could have lived a bit longer if it wasn't for them.  but alas...

there are people in the living room, which is connected to the dining room.  SAM has me up against the wall.  he's kissing me.  running his hands up my dress.  slipping them into my panties.  touching me.  i'm trying to be quiet because my fam is RIGHT in the next room.  SAM smothers my mouth with kisses to keep me from crying out.

i'm so delirious when i orgasm, i grab him and pull him out onto the back porch.  it's pitch-black outside and i press his back against the window (that leads to the dining room, where anyone in the living room can look through and SEE US).  i unzip his pants, pull down his boxers and go downtown.  i'm a PRO!  i mean i can outsuck any hooker on the corner.  he's going crazy.  i'm about to lose hair cuz he's about to pull it out.

afterwards, we're petting on the back porch, and he's professing his love for me.

what in the HELL does this mean?  i got a pain in my side and reluctantly got up outta bed to go to potty.  the images are lingering because i'm like GET ME TO A DREAM DICTIONARY...i need to know what that crazy mess means!

got any ideas?

 Labyrinth

I didn't go to sleep until 5:30 am (need to stop with THAT mess).  I went to my friend's house for dinner.  My sis and I went.  Stayed until about 1.  It was great.  Got my belly full, got some hilarious conversation, got to see their adorable dog Gabby again.  Was great.

I was already feeling a bit down BEFORE the dinner.  Just life sucks sometimes.  After I get back home, I'm still a bit down, and then I read an article online about Black "chick lit" becoming popular, and as I read about these new books coming out, I get so upset, I can't breathe for a good minute.  As an AVID fan of chick lit, what's coming out now by AA authors isn't exactly what I would call chick lit, but hey, they coin it that, and now it's that for forever and a day.

I get down because here I am, a great writer (allow me to toot my horn for a second.  i never ever do so), and I have a CHICK LIT (in the traditional sense) novel with a 'slight' twist (laughing @ 'slight') and no one is biting.  I'm a great writer, PERIOD, and no one is biting.  My self-esteem is already at an all-time low and now I'm wondering why I even write.  I don't feel like I'll ever get a deal, ever get a book on a shelf.  Yet every day, I see books getting published and I have to ask myself, WHY.  The same book about the same lifestyle about the same drama...PUBLISHED!  I know AA readers and READERS in general want something different, but the same ol' same ol' is HOT and thus, I'M NOT.

I have a pain so deep in my chest right now that I can't even talk.  I want to cry, but I can't.  Guess I'm tired of crying.

Then to add to THIS pain, I begin teaching an online class tomorrow. First time it's being done at the uni.  Excited but scared as hell as to how it'll go.  I have students who do not have e-mail addresses (though it's an online course).  I have students who have NOT contacted me (though class starts tomorrow).  I'm in a frenzy mood, and I RUE RUE RUE the thought in my mind that told me to get up out of bed today.

I just need to breathe, to tell myself that things will be okay.  But they won't.  I don't feel like they will.  I mean aside from these two "issues," there are others.  But I don't want to bore you.  Let me summarize: money issues, relationship issues, mom's best friend's husband killed himself issues, mothers needing desperately to get away from crazy-ass husbands issues, and on and on....

*sigh*

TTFN

Hey All,

Happy Memorial Day weekend!  It's about 3:30 in the afternoon, and I am EXHAUSTED.  I stayed up until about 9 this morning.  Just woke up about thirty minutes ago.  I got into a nice writing jag and couldn't stop.  WHEN I FINALLY DID STOP, my friend and publicist, Tonya and I were surfing the net and we came across an AWESOME site: http://www.melswebs.com.  Check it out AFTER YOU'RE FINISHED HERE! (lol)  The webmistress allows writers to post up poetry and short stories, and so I was excited to write a little erotic ditty to post up.  Spent about an hour doing that.  THEN, I cracked open my OLD and DUSTY poetry folder...stuff I wrote when I was in love, dumped and in between.  I posted two pretty cool poems up on Melswebs, and then I spent the rest of the night getting down and nostalgic about past relationships and experiences with Tonya and showing her the equally bad poetry.

So, there was a HIGH...the writing.  Then there was a low...the nostalgia.  Then wouldn't you know it, there was another HIGH.  Rollercoaster City here.  Was surfing a website and found out that MTV is going to be premiering a new network next year.  An all gay/lesbian network titled LOGO.  Then I found two other networks/channels that are currently 'live' either by satellite or dish tv or pay-per-view.  Tonya and I were excited...Tonya more so.  As my publicist and best friend, she's in charge of getting soooooooo excited that I don't HAVE to be excited! (lol)  GOOD JOB, TONYA.  GOOD LOOKING OUT! (lol)

I promptly e-mailed all three, asking how to submit proposals. 

I had been contemplating writing a screenplay or a series for RUNNING FROM MISS RIGHT ever since I wrote the book.  I really do love the story and the characters, especially Jack.  She's my girl!   I have a sequel already outlined, and I'm sure there is a lot more that could be done with all the characters.

It could be...dare I say it...the NEW "Friends," with ...*gasp* black main characters, a multicultural cast, and a sexual twist! ROFL  And don't get me wrong, I ADOOOOOOOOOORE "Friends".  I'm heartbroken and lonely now that the show is off the air.  Maybe there's room for something like this there, EH?  Hell, we could do a back-to-back gay night with RFMR and Will and Grace, and top it off with ER that has a lesbian doctor on the show.

A girl can dream, can't she? LOL

Anyway, with my day basically GONE, I have to figure out what I'm going to do to salvage the rest of it.  I plan to finish episode #3 of "Femme2Femme".  I plan to tweak the short story I wrote last night.  I plan to write up the CONTEST that will start on RUNNING FROM MISS RIGHT, starting tomorrow.  I plan to cook dinner (baked chicken, rice with cream of mushrooms and green beans).  My online English class begins on Wednesday, and I need to insure that my students are IN IT and aren't terrified out of their minds.  This one will be a task.  (sigh)  But I'm USUALLY good at completing tasks.

Wish me luck!

More later.

TTFN