I didn't go to sleep until 5:30 am (need to stop with THAT mess).  I went to my friend's house for dinner.  My sis and I went.  Stayed until about 1.  It was great.  Got my belly full, got some hilarious conversation, got to see their adorable dog Gabby again.  Was great.

I was already feeling a bit down BEFORE the dinner.  Just life sucks sometimes.  After I get back home, I'm still a bit down, and then I read an article online about Black "chick lit" becoming popular, and as I read about these new books coming out, I get so upset, I can't breathe for a good minute.  As an AVID fan of chick lit, what's coming out now by AA authors isn't exactly what I would call chick lit, but hey, they coin it that, and now it's that for forever and a day.

I get down because here I am, a great writer (allow me to toot my horn for a second.  i never ever do so), and I have a CHICK LIT (in the traditional sense) novel with a 'slight' twist (laughing @ 'slight') and no one is biting.  I'm a great writer, PERIOD, and no one is biting.  My self-esteem is already at an all-time low and now I'm wondering why I even write.  I don't feel like I'll ever get a deal, ever get a book on a shelf.  Yet every day, I see books getting published and I have to ask myself, WHY.  The same book about the same lifestyle about the same drama...PUBLISHED!  I know AA readers and READERS in general want something different, but the same ol' same ol' is HOT and thus, I'M NOT.

I have a pain so deep in my chest right now that I can't even talk.  I want to cry, but I can't.  Guess I'm tired of crying.

Then to add to THIS pain, I begin teaching an online class tomorrow. First time it's being done at the uni.  Excited but scared as hell as to how it'll go.  I have students who do not have e-mail addresses (though it's an online course).  I have students who have NOT contacted me (though class starts tomorrow).  I'm in a frenzy mood, and I RUE RUE RUE the thought in my mind that told me to get up out of bed today.

I just need to breathe, to tell myself that things will be okay.  But they won't.  I don't feel like they will.  I mean aside from these two "issues," there are others.  But I don't want to bore you.  Let me summarize: money issues, relationship issues, mom's best friend's husband killed himself issues, mothers needing desperately to get away from crazy-ass husbands issues, and on and on....

*sigh*

TTFN